Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
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