nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
