You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
