if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
