I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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