there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
This is the high leading the old right now
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
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