Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
