Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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