Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
