I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
