ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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