redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
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