Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Randomize
