I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
