Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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