I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
