Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
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