At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
I believe in your delicious
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Randomize
