Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Randomize
