I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
