i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
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