i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
