If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
