He disabled his match.com account in front of me
hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Randomize
