if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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