Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Randomize
