I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
Randomize
