he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
Randomize
