why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
