So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
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