Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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