great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Randomize
