Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
I think I died a long time ago.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
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