We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
he high fived his dick after we had sex
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Randomize
