After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
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