My ? Is...... Would it be sweet or creepy to take a girl on a first date to chigago?
creepy.
smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Randomize
