I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
