I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
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