You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize
