my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
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