She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
