i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
you told grandpa to call you daddy
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
In other news, I just burned my penis
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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