I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize
