Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
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