I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
