Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Randomize
