she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
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