1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Randomize
