My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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