The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
