I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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