He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
Randomize
