I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Randomize
