Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
