Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
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