We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
