I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
