Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Randomize
