Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
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