I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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