Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Randomize
