he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
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