normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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