You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Randomize
